Falls and Pushing Through

 Its a new month and I am back. We have been busy traveling, boating and just trying to relax. My Dad had a fall and was in the hospital and now rehab. This has been unexpected and unfortunate for Dad. I had spent the last 2 years focused on my Mom and her health that I took for granted that my Dad was "fine". 

As soon as we became empty nesters we had to take on my parents. Its difficult on so many levels including financial issues. My parents did not take care of their personal business during my entire life. Its tough to relive hurtful memories, being frightened about money, making sure every one, including myself is taken care of. There has been no break as far as care giving duties go. Both my husband and I take that burden on and it can be a strain for us both. 

I am still angry. I am once again feeling negative. I would never have thought trying to be happy could be so hard and tiring. I am so very tired. So here I am left with just pushing through the daily grind. 

Blogging again

Its been a very long time since I last wrote anything of significance. Life sure did get crazy when I was last here, writing, blogging. I made so many mistakes in my 40s. I lost myself, I lost time with my family and worst of all I hurt my husband. We have since worked through all of the hurt and anger. We try to be okay on a daily basis but sometimes the tricky past seeps into our memory. 

My mother passed early this year and it triggered so many emotions for me. Actually, moving mom to our City so we could care for her prompted a whole host of memories and feelings. I didn't want to acknowledge any feelings over the last year and a half. After mom's service in March, I decided I was not going to hold onto my own hurt, anger and guilt about anything from the past. I had been doing fairly well in dealing with sadness and guilt for a time. However, I have been very angry the last few weeks. It may be my age and being in a different season of life. Or its that I do not want to deal with other people's problems and issues. 

I take a lot to heart and am sensitive, I just don't show it. I can be harsh to family and friends. Hard truths are difficult for everyone to swallow at times. I try to be sensitive to others but others are not sensitive to me. I have quite a few friends that are very needy, self centered and don't even realize it! Sure, we all get that way from time to time but you need to be self aware and realize when you are really hurting those around you. I think I will save that thought for another day when I am not reacting in anger. 

This writing may be all over the place today because I am feeling the need to get these thoughts out of my head. Writing was therapeutic for me years ago and helped me to get perspective about situations. So maybe this post should have been titled "Anger". Talking to myself does help, so I am back blogging and talking to the ether or whoever happens by. I may still be angry tomorrow but I will continue to write and find some joy.

Its been a long time!!!

Hello in blogger world! Its been a very long time since I checked in, read, posted, stayed in touch. Life has been very busy and moving forward.

I hope this posting finds everyone well, hopefull and ready for another year of living.

Take care and Merry Christmas!

Jen

Fall

Goodness how time flies by!! I am alive and doing okay. I have been so busy with the kids activities this school year and work that I have barely made time for anything else.

I am so very proud of both children. Daughter is in the Chose to Lead program and has her first after school meeting today. Two fifth graders from each class get chosen and help with all the school functions and fund raisers with the teachers and other staff. She is also in the Student Partners Program which buddies up a fifth grader with a special needs student. Daughter had to fill out an application, have her parents write a recomendation, her teacher write a recomendation and she had to write up a semi-resume as well. I am so glad she was chosen for this. Daughter has also been playing Volleyball and started band playing the alto sax! See so busy my head spins as I type this.

Dear son...he is doing great in kindergarten and is really loving schoool. He has been playing flag football and can't wait to start swimming lessons and baseball camp this winter. He loves being around his sister but is making lots of his own friends. Its amazing to witness the changes in him.

As for me....the kids are keeping me busy so that is enough for the moment. I am still a confused lady but trying to be happier in general and not look at the past if I can help it. I can't change the past only look at today and tomorrow. I am going to try and make some rounds here today...catch up with my internet friends...you are the ones that always seem to give me the brighter lift!

Kindergarten!!

Well my baby's first day of kindergarten was today! It is a dreary rainy day here in Columbus, Ohio. But that did not dampen my son's mood. Mitchell was so excited this morning he did not care that mommy forgot to buy him a boy umbrella so he just used the blue and white polka dotted one!

I can't wait for the end of the day to hear about both J and M's first day back to school. J is a 5th grader this year. It is amazing to me how beautiful she looked this morning. They are growing up so fast but I am so happy that I am making time every day to cherish them in their childhood moments, storing those memories for a far off rainy day of my own.

A game!! Come on....play along!!

Things I have learned from movies... THE GAME PART IS TO PLACE WHICH MOVIE APPLIES BEST TO EACH NUMBER....ready set go!

1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people whether they are employed or not.

2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override communications system of any invading alien society.

5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

10. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

11. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.12. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

13. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

14. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off even while scuba diving.

15. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

16. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

17. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

18. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will whine when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

19. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

20. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

21. Word processors never display a cursor on screen, but will always say: "Enter Password Now".

22. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. Tires will squeal on any surface, at any speed.

23. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

24. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

25. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

26. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

Have fun!!

Hello, is anybody out there?!

I am here, I am reading, lurking, relaxing, whatever you would like to call it. I am not commenting too much but know that I am reading many of your blogs.

The summer is dragging by but I am starting to feel a peace with myself as time rolls on. Maybe when things start to slow down a little in the fall I can get back to being my silly self and writing about being a Rock Star, the great things my kids that day or even my jump into an altogether new career.

The past year and half is going to be put into a box in my heart and mind, to be brought out on occassion. Its so cliche to say this, but I am re-discovering myself and what I want in this life. Work harder, be remembered well. There is a time, a place, a reason for everything and everyone you encounter. Take it all in and be happy, suck it up, write about it, live it. As long as at the end of the day you can sleep.

Have a good end of the summer everyone and I hope to be back soon spreading some silliness!