Love

There are so many different kinds of love. The love of your spouse or signficant other are usually the biggest loves of our lives. The only exception I can make to that is our children. There is your love for your friends and family. Sometimes the love you have for certain members of your family is only a deep caring.

Deep loves are so rare. I love my children deeply and I know at one time I loved my husband deeply. How do we get back to that kind of love without being hurt or overtaken by other emotions? Or the day in and day out workings of life?

There has been so much more that has been going on in my life in the last year that I am struggling with so many emotions. How do you reconcile hypocritical behavior and not lose yourself? How do you forgive yourself and the persons that you love, because we are afterall just human. Most of us don't intentionally set out to hurt eachother.

I have truly tried to understand what goes through a man mind when dealing with a relationship. I have tried to be open and honest but when all that fails where does it leave you? I still feel the love, I can't stop loving. Does that make me a fool?

Congratulations to my friend Scott

Scott is listed in my links under Scott but his blog is called Hard to Want. Scott is getting a short story published and I just wanted to show my appreciation of his writing and hard work!

Cheers to you Scott and way to go!!

The weekend, new job and life

So far the new job is going ok. I started last Tuesday and the woman I replaced is off on maternity leave. It is doubtful that she will return to this firm but I am hoping she thinks about part time and helping out around the holidays. I will be running the title company by myself and am my own boss. It sounds lovely but in reality it may be difficult planning vacations and days off with the kids.

The weekend so tons of fun. We went to Cleveland Saturday for the Reds game. There was a group of 15 aging 25 to me. I refuse to admit I was the oldest of the group (oops I just did!) My sister in law and her husband arranged the fun filled weekend and we once again partied like the rock stars we are! It was fun to get away and was lucky my parents split the weekend up with the kids. I have not gone out in Cleveland in ages and was surprised at the night life and bars. I danced my rear off and had a blast at a place called the Blind Pig. One of my favorites local bands from my youth, Reagonamics, was playing 80s music and the whole bar was hopping. Oh I also wore my very hot cowboy hat which was recently purchased in Vegas. I was in Vegas 2 weeks ago and need to blog about that fun time too!

My son had his 5th birthday last Thursday and he officially is a young man. They grow up so quickly I can't believe it. I cried that day. I did not tell anyone I cried but I did, I no longer have a baby. Life is one never ending change and sometimes you just get hit over the head.

Woo Hoo

Lots to write here!! I have a new job, start June 20. It is back to the small law firm for me but it is doing what I know best. I will be a one person title company for them, am replacing a lady who has been there for 7 years and is only leaving to be a stay home mom. I got a really good feeling from all the partners I met plus I gained another increase in salary. I am excited and want to make this position work, not necessarily the dream job, but I think a good direction to go in. Lots of flexibilty so I will be able to take care of the family.

And the search is on

In the two (2) days since I was told my job was eliminated I have sent out 8 resumes and have had 4 call backs. I have set up three (3) interviews for next week and turned down one, the money for that is not what I am looking for.

My current boss provided me with a stellar reference letter and his wife who is an attorney had one of her partners pass my resume to a big corporation. I have actually worked with that corporation, they were a client of a firm I worked for back in the 90s. They recogonize my name and the old firm and the VP wants to interview me! I am very excited about this prospect. I believe once again I am in the right place at the right time.

Thanks for coming back and listening to my saga. I do have some fun stories and family stuff I want to throw out there and will once time allows next week.

smooches peeps!!

This day sucks!

I am just full of good news these days....never anything good to post it seems.

Due to economic reasons corporate has pulled the plug on expansion in our area, hence my job has been eliminated. Yes the job that I have probably waited years to have. My last day is June 2 if I so choose, which I have. I don't like to burn bridges and there is a chance that the market could turn around over the next year or so and they will hire be back. I am at the top of my boss' list and he is pretty torn up about having to lay me off. It seems he jumped the gun hiring me because he did not want to lose me to another company. So I will have a good reference from here and a decent explanation as to my employment time frame.

I really hate to be in this position again and feeling pretty lousy about everything. So it seems that I will be returning to the legal field, sucking things up for the family benefit. I will have to attempt a serious attitude adjustment regarding my feelings on working for attorneys again. (No offense to those blogging/online buddies that are in the legal field)

Maybe I will cash in the 401K and go back to school, become a teacher, stay home with kiddos, do something different!! Money really does make the world go around!

American Idol.....small rant!!

Chris was my fav....cannot believe America chose the others over him. I loved Katherine too, however, her last two weeks have been weak. She seemed too eratic on stage and a little too dippy for my liking. Katherine is a sweet girl but I see her acting and doing broadway type things. She could do very well.

I am ok with Taylor and Elliott but just do not see them as actual idols. There is a market niche for these two, but not in the radio hits capacity such that Kelly Clarkson has had.

Chris had the packaging, the sex appeal and the voice. Such a damn shame the last of the hotties have been voted off!! Oh well Katherine is still a hottie....but you know what I mean!! *wink*

What to post??!!

Good lord it has been almost a month since my last posting. I don't feel like I have much to say. Everything is beginning to seem routine again, very busy too.

Work is going well, a little slower than I would have liked, but it is a good thing to have extra training. It is always hard to be the new person and it seems doublely so when working with mostly women. Women can be very chatty and very catty....something I have never been to good at dealing with. I am more of an upfront, underdog, standup to the big guy, kinda girl. Not too big of issues at the moment and feel like I handled myself very professional and diplomatically on this front last week. So this week is starting off fresh and with a different perspective for me and I think for several co-workers. It is all for the better and I am glad.

I am back to coaching softball this year and have made some changes in my coaching approach this year. It is still fun, exciting and a thrill when a little girl actually gets a concept and shows improvement. Hubby is helping out again and he is doing well with the girls too. Last year he never said too much but this year he is forced to as we are splitting practices into 2 groups. I really do have to figure out how to get pics up so I can show off our pretty pink shirts this year!! LOL

The kids and I are loving American Idol this season!! I am too hot for Chris....um....yeah....enough of that!!

I peek in on blogs on occassion, but may not reply. Like I said earlier, I just don't have much to say which is a rarity. Still gaining perspective and holding back on things a little. In time I think I will come out of the shell again but for the moment I still feel like I am in a whirlwind that is not slowing down.

The Rock Star is back!!

Two of my girlfriends and I went to Belltara Casino & Spa this weekend and had a great time!

We arrived at the resort at 1:00 in the afternoon, checked in and headed right for the casino. My friend Andrea is a single mom so Kathy and I were initially on the hunt for cute boys at the black jack tables. No such luck during lunch time at a casino in the middle of nowhere!!

We decided on a $5 table as Kathy has never played black jack. Our dealer, Louie, was a huge jackass. I made a mistake early on and the dude never let up. So my plain was to have fun with my friends and the other players and be as obnoxious as possible. My plan worked and Louie took his break........Bob was an awesome dealer and I proceeded to win $100.00!!

Soon it was spa and massage time and we headed off for the much needed relaxation. I got an upper body massage and petticure. It was heaven and I plan on making this a habit at least once a year! All three of us really enjoyed it and plan on returning.

We only had a so so and dinner and were starved after the spa and vodka in our room. Once we were refreshed the casino and cute boys (for Andrea mind you) were calling us! All in all the gambling for me was fun and I only lost about $25.

I feel like I am getting back to my old self and feeling very happy at the moment. The cycle of the Rock Star will continue, well at least once a year!

Back to work!!

I am back to work this week. I must say I have a much better attitude and am enjoying going into a non-stressful environment. The ladies I am working with seem to be a good bunch and the woman who is training is a doll. I am still trying to get a handle on personalities so I will reserve judgement on some I have met.

I am currenlty working in our biggest branch office while my branch is being built out to custom. I honestly knew this was the field I was cut out to be in and am anxious to get started. While I am tired and the drive at the moment sucks, being back at a job really makes me feel good. I don't ever think I could just not work unless I had actual babies at home.

We took a family vacation to Georgia and Florida over Spring Break. We left the night of my Granny's funeral. Seemed everyone in my family had vacations and Spring Break at that time. The funeral was sad but was an opportunity to lay her to rest and see our family. My mom is renovating the farm house so that is taking up her time. But I worry about her health now too. Lots of life changes, but I feel good.

I keep saying I am going to keep up more, post more, read more. I have been spending less time on the computer though and I think I am the better for it. I really wish I could meet lots of you, and plan on going to Niagra Falls if at all possible.

Smooches, hugs and huge thanks to all that gave me sympathy about my grandmother.

Death

My Granny died this a.m., she was 93 years, gave birth to two (2) daughters, witnessed the births of eight (8) grandchildren and fifteen (15) great grandchildren. My Granny was dear to my mom, my aunt and my cousins. Anyone who every met her always had a smile and knew my Granny to be a great lady. She was the last of her generation in our family, outlived her older brothers and sisters, parents, husband and all of her inlaws, friends and cousins.

I will miss you Granny, you gave me such love and devotion amongst all the grandchildren I never really knew I was just one of many.

Love and kisses,

Jenny

Is this an entry?!

I start my new job on April 1! It is the position that I have hoped for in the last several years. I will be a Branch Manager for several offices of a local Title Company. I am very excited and feel a bit ready for the challenge. The last couple of months off have really helped me and I think I am moving towards who I need to be, or who I think I need to be.

Time to catch up with some of those who have taken the time to be my online friends. See you soon!

Success

Taking time off and doing almost nothing has been good for my soul. I really have not accomplished much but I feel so much more free than I have in years. I still have the same worries and fears but it is different now.

I am set to get a written job offer from a title company. This is the position that I have wanted for a long time coming. It took me walking away from a previous law firm 2 years ago and doing a job I abhored to come to the realization that 1. I actually liked and 2. was good at being a Real Estate Title Agent. I am so very excited about this opportunity and can finally get away from a law firm atmosphere. Moving on is great and this job is going to present a challenge, a challenge for me to actually be happy and to be helpful to others.

Not all attorneys and others that I have worked with in the past are horrible. It is just such a different environment and just breds discontent and bad feelings. Your employers and co-workers can have a tendency to forget about the real world and those around them. I may be jaded when it comes to this attitude, but so be it.

My blogging has been seriously lacking, I apologize for that. I really need to catch up on everyone. But at the same time, being free from internet life has been a relief as well. The kids have loved having their mommy more often and its been fun to help out at school. I can't say the house is spotless but my brain is all the better for this time.

*smooches* to those that want'em!!!

The Color of My Parachut

The color, my friends, is a happy one and I would say it is yellow. A bright sunny yellow, at least for the moment.

I am searching for a job, just not very hard. I have decided that January would be for Jen. To hell with what anyone else thinks about what I did or how I handled myself last month. It is today and tomorrow that matters.

Hubby is being infinitely patient and the kids are enjoying me being home. There is a relief I can't explain but only can say that I can smile and feel a little free. Although, I feel the man creeping in on my conciousness and soon need to decide on my path in life.

A huge *hug* to Scott for the title of this post and the prompting of me getting out of my shell. I have a lot to say and need to get cracking.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I wish everyone the best in the new year! I am doing well and actually feel pretty good and a bit free. I promise to be back to my blogging self very soon. I miss seeing everyone and enjoying what you have to say. So many inspire me....and huge THANK YOUS for being so supportive.

I quit

I quit my job. Last week was my last week. I have been home doing all sorts of things and trying to be productive. Life gets squirrely sometimes and I needed a break from the internet for a time. Also, my career has really thrown me into a bit of a stupor the last 2 1/2 years. I finally realized that instead of just sucking it up everyday and being miserable I needed to change my path. So I am not working at the moment. I am applying for different jobs but my heart does not seem to be in it at the moment. My husband is really disappointed because I left a firm that was really good, the whole package. Unfortunately there was no lateral move for me within that firm so I left. Hubby is being supportive and we are financially ok for the moment. However, I am feeling like maybe I should have just sucked it up, kept going blah blah blah. Everyone hates their jobs at some point, no job is perfect and we all have to do things we don't like or enjoy at times. My insecurities have started to leak through and I have been feeling as though I won't come through this happier.

December 7, 1941 continued

"The 7 December 1941 Japanese raid on Pearl Harbor was one of the great defining moments in history. A single carefully-planned and well-executed stroke removed the United States Navy's Battleship force as a possible threat to the Japanese Empire's southward expansion. America, unprepared and now considerably weakened, was abruptly brought into the Second World War as a full combatant." DEPARTMENT OF THE NAVY -- NAVAL HISTORICAL CENTER

Manhattan, NY December 7, 1941 at 11:45 Eastern Standard time a Hungarian woman who taught herself to speak english was giving birth to a son. This woman was alone at the hospital because her husband was currently stationed in Pearl Harbor. On that day, "a day that will live in infamy" the woman learned that moments after her son was born our nation was under attack.

Sixty-four (64) years ago today our country was taken into history. On this day my family was blessed. My father was born and my grandfather survived Pearl Harbor. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!

Please take a moment out of your day to remember those Pearl Harbor survivors that are still with us. Very few remain but my heart and thanks go out to them and their families.

December 7, 1941 Battship Row

What Tree Did You Fall From??

I am Hazelnut! It fits my personality accurately.


Find your birthday and then find your tree.
Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree
Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 (only) - Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr! 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 -! Fig Tre e
Jun 24 (only) - Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 (only) - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 (only) - Beech Tree

YOUR TREE MEANS : (in alphabetical order)
Apple Tree (the Love) -- quiet and shy at times, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, adv enturous, sensitive, loyal in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, many talents, loves children, needs affectionate partner.

Ash Tree (the Ambition) -- extremely attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be very egotistic, reliable, restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands attention, needs love and much emotional support.

Beech Tree (the Creative) -- has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic! , good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.).

Birch Tree (the inspiration) -- vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.

Cedar Tree (the Confidence! ) -- of rare strength, knows how to adapt, likes unexpected presents, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, a great speaker, determined, often impatient, likes to impress others, has many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waits for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

Chestnut Tree (the Honesty) -- of unusual stature, impressive, well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.

Cypress Tree (the Faithfulness) -- strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give but doesn't necessarily like it, strives to be content, optimistic, wants to be financially independent, wants love and affection, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered at times, can be unruly and careless, loves to gain knowledge, needs to be needed.

Elm Tree (the Noble-mindedness) -- pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.

Fig Tree (the Sensibility) -- very strong minded, a bit self-willed, honest, loyal, independent, hates contradiction or arguments, hard worker when wants to be, loves life and friends, enjoys children and animals, few sexual relationships, great sense of humor, has artistic ta! lent and great intelligence.

Fir tree (the Mysterious) -- extraordinary taste, handles stress well, loves anything beautiful, stubborn, tends to care for those close to them, hard to trust others, yet a social butterfly, likes idleness and laziness after long demanding hours at work, rather modest, talented, unselfish, many friends, very reliable.

Hazelnut Tree (the Extraordinary) -- charming, sense of humor, very demanding but can also be very understanding, knows how to make a lasting impression, active fighter for social causes a! nd polit ics, popular, quite moody, sexually oriented, honest, a perfectionist, has a precise sense of judgment and expects complete fairness.

Hornbeam Tree (the Good Taste) -- of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.

Lime Tree (the Doubt) -- inte lligent, hard working, accepts what life dishes out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good ones, hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough, but is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make sacrifices for family and friends, has many talents but not always enough time to use them, can become a complainer, great leadership qualities, is jealous at times but extremely loyal.

Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) -- no ordinary person, full of imagination and orig! inality, shy and reserved, ambitio! us, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.

Oak Tree (the Brave) -- robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.

Olive Tree (the Wisdom) -- loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

Pine Tree (the Peacemaker) -- loves agreeable company, craves peace and harmony, loves to help others, active imagination, likes to write poetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion, friendly to all, falls strongly in love but will leave if betrayed or lied to, emotionally soft, humble, needs affection and reassurance.

Poplar Tree (the Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative, talent! ed, not<> very self-con! fident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, great artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

Rowan Tree (the Sensitivity) -- full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

Walnut Tree (the Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

Weeping Willow (the Melancholy) --likes to be stress free, loves family life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition, suffers in love until they find that one loyal, steadfast partner; loves to make others laugh.

Dead Celebrity Auctions

I understand the whole idea behind owning a piece of history or something treasured by one's idol. Personally I think it would be pretty neat to own a book signed by Jackie Kennedy. But for me it goes beyond the pale when you want to purchase someone's toliet.

It seems that Jerry Garcia's dishwasher, toliet and other appliances will be auctioned off by a non-profit group named the Sophia Foundation. While I commend the families of many celebrities who auction off items for charity, it just seems odd to me that someone would actually want Jerry Garcia's toliet or even his dishwasher. I mean really are you going to use those things? Or would you build a shrine with pictures, autographs and other memorabilia surrounding that toliet to comemorate your most favored hero? I suppose having any piece of Jerry will do for some folks.