My 40th Birthday!

Last month on March 24 I started a new decade of my life. I really had a great time and my husband went all out to make sure my little party was a surprise. I have many pictures from that night and am trying to decide which ones to post. LOL.....it was truly a great time and the most fun I have had in quite some time. I am sharing another pic of the kids and I. The helped plan the party and had such a great time helping with that.

A taste of Spring!

Finally had a bit of nicer weather yesterday with the temps hitting 50 degrees and the sun peeking out us now and again. The weather in Ohio is such a pleasure, going from 70 on Tuesday to freezing rain and snow on Thursday. I was NOT dreaming of a white Easter thank you!

So our taste of spring yesterday was enjoyable not only because of the little warmth we received but because it is the start of our son's baseball career! Yesterday was Mitchell's first T-Ball practice and he was soooooo excited! His excitment and smiles were infectious and I could not help but have fun with him. His team is the Yankees (my dad's favorite) and they received their hats and shirts. Here is a pic for your viewing pleasure! (scary I am, now that I can get pics to upload LOL)!!

Hope everyone is having a great week!

Another picture!!

Uh oh....she is getting good at the pictures!! LOL this is my Uncle Joe, the kids and I at Endless Caverns located outside of New Market, VA.

Look a picture!!

My mom, my son and daughter and I at Christmas time!

I am so cliche...in more ways than one!!

I will only discuss two ways in which I was cliche today!! I have been utterly and completely depressed and a bit angry. My son was sick today and I was listening to my "sad songs" while I went to pick up his prescription. I had a feeling of total helplessness and decided to drive around some more while listening to my line up of "getting out the good cry" music.

At some point I thought about stopping for a shot of tequila and a beer. Then it occurred to me it would not do me much good to get drunk at 5:00 p.m. on a Monday. I replaced getting drunk with the euphoria of.....thats right....buying new shoes!! I bought 3 new pairs for myself and 1 pair for my daughter! I also purchased a new purse and I tell you what....I got back in the car and put in my Jet CD and listened to "Cold Hard Bitch"! Once I got home I was ready to face everyone in this household to only discover......

MY BARE MINERALS MAKEUP had arrived!! After many years of hearing about these products at OT I was sucked in on some infomerical. My daughter and I put in the helpful handy dandy DVD and followed all the steps. I am highly impressed with this product and can't wait to use it again in the morning!!

Some days I am glad to be a woman and a bit cliche!!

A new blog look!!

I finally switched over to the "new blogger" through gmail. Not really sure how much has changed, does not seem like much. I like what I changed things to but I am not the greatest at adding touches. I did add a picture I like and will attempt again to get a picture of myself up here. Drives me nuts that I can't figure out these simple things. LOL

New look, maybe a new outlook and trying this blog thing more regular again. Hope this post finds everyone well.

Life...and progress

At this point in time I am still at home with my husband. He has taken a strong interest in attempting to save and work on the marriage. He has gone so far as to sign up for a marriage counseling class online. Hubby has forwarded each workshop/email to me. There are some very interesting and valid points that have been made in reading those emails and I can see us in quite of few of those situations.

But it is back to the question of how am I handling it all. I am day by day. There are days that I think what we have in life is worth it and I should make the necessary attempts. The following is a quote from one of these "seminars"...

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous
experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You
can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it
day in and day out. That's why we have the
expression "the labor of love." Because it takes
time, effort, and energy. And most importantly,
it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to
make your marriage work.

Hubby is trying, making a real effort and here I sit feeling sort of angry and resentful. I think I need some counseling to help me get a better grip on what I am feeling. But do I owe it to him, the children and the sake of the marriage to stop feeling mad, depressed and hopeless? I need to step out of my little box and look at myself and realize my life is not so bad. Where do I want to be in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years.

It is good to know that I am not the only person out there that feels these emotions. I truly appreciate the comments and advice. It helps more than any of you know!

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year to all my friends that check in on me from time to time.

I have been busy with this new job now since I have been here. I am back to that daily stressful grind and it leaves a horrible distaste in my mouth. I think its a new year with some new starts but I have the same old issues plaguing me. The career has not been that easy to change, at all. I came back to what I know best but not sure I care enough about any longer to be the best. I have become lazy and complacent and I really detest that. So I will be striving to just suck it up and be the best at what I do and hope that someone notices and it pays off somewhere, someplace, somehow.

My marriage has been in limbo now for over a year. I had tried and tried and when I was ready to throw in the towel, he started making these amazing gestures. Gestures that were never made in the past 16 years. Attempts to keep me and be sincere about it now that he realizes he is on the verge of losing me. I am in the toughest spot I have ever been in. I am not sure if I have it in me to give in and stay or move on and start anew. Everyone I have talked to says that if he is willing to try and the changes he is making are sticking for more than a week then I should give the marriage a chance.

I also have come to realize that there is this possibility of there being more than one person out there for each of us. I have attempted to not have outside influences affect my judgment in my marriage. But sometimes it is so hard to not look at that greener grass. Wonder what could be, how would things be different with another person.

I can honestly say that the best thing in my life right now is my children. I am putting them first for the most part and trying not to be selfish this year of my midlife worries. I love my children and want them to be happy, so staying and trying in the marriage is what I have been doing the last month. But my heart has not truly been in it.

So this blog has come full circle. I believe I named this blog talking to myself partly because that is how my husband used to make me feel. I needed an outlet, a place to vent. Blogging helped me for awhile and I found a wonderful outlet. But here I am back to the same point and beyond when I first started here. I have some decisions to make and hope that I make the correct ones.

Boy when I post an update, do I post an update!

Michigan week!!

GO BUCKS!!!! I am a one of the lucky souls that has tickets for this historical event....well sporting event that is. This is the most anctipated game EVER that I can remember in my life time. I come from a long line of OSU graduates (even though I did not) and not in 103 years has there been a game like this!! The hype, the commentary, the booze!! That is right folks the party starts Friday afternoon at our office and does not stop until I wake up Sunday knowing that OSU has kicked #2's ass and will do so again in the Championship game! (counting chickens and all that....)

WOO HOO!!

Hiatus or something........

I like how momma put that about a few of us bloggers. I am the something part....not quite sure what to write about or say. Been going through some life changes and the new job, while I like it, it is keeping me busy.

I am so restless and uncomfortable right now. I wish I could make some earnest changes in my personal world but my children are holding me in place. I have not been the best mom lately nor a good daughter. Those things are starting to weigh on my mind. I have let friendships pass and other things fall to the wayside that I enjoy, like this blogging thing.

I know I am not perfect but I need to strive to do better in my everyday living. Love more, complain less and be happy.

Hope this rambling finds everyone well and healthy!

Hi I am Jen and I am addicted to.....

Crap TV...yes thats right, my summer viewing has consisted of Reality TV. Rock Star-SuperNova, Big Brother AllStars, Project Runway, and some really bad crap that NBC programed with Regis as the host, and even more bad brain deterating garbage that stars Flavor Flav! Sometimes a girl just can't help but look at the train wrecks that frequent "reality tv".

My favoriate crap, by far, has been Rock Star. However, I was sorely disappointed last night that SuperNova chose Lucas Rossi as their lead singer. I like him but, like Dave said, I am not so sure I can sit through a 2 hour concert listening to him. I will have to see how he actually sounds on a CD, song after song. Also, Gilbey needs to step up and sing better back up and play better lead guitar if this band wants to have any kind of chance. I think Clarke will be the ego one of this group.

Big Brother, ah what to say what to say! Chilltown is the funniest most entertaining contestants to ever play a reality game in the history of reality tv! Brrrrnnggg Brrrrnnnggg....f'in hiliarous and I loved watching Dr. Will play everyone like a well toned violin! Kudos to Will and Mike Boogie for making me smile when I needed brain candy.

Now that most of these shows are over we are moving on to Dancing with the Stars. My children love this show and its something we can watch together and enjoy. I am rooting for Emmett Smith. I enjoyed his attitude and was pleasantly surprised by his moves, much better than Jerry Rice from last year.

Now my all time favoriate reality junk starts soon....Survivor....woo hoo. Not sure how much of it I will actually watch this year. Times have become busy in our household and my brain cannot handle much more dumbing down after this summer of lack luster programing.

With that I leave you with a a quote from Jeff Probst "Fire is life" well at least for some. In my house life has become "Reality TV"!

Lets talk about sex!

Lets talk about sex baby, lets talk about you and me and all the good things....

So chat away....opinions, thoughts, getting enough these days? Does your personal life swirl around the thought of sexual encounters or has marriage and young children done away with the intimate moments!

LOL I know odd topic for me but just want to see what can be stirred up in my little blog here!

Love

There are so many different kinds of love. The love of your spouse or signficant other are usually the biggest loves of our lives. The only exception I can make to that is our children. There is your love for your friends and family. Sometimes the love you have for certain members of your family is only a deep caring.

Deep loves are so rare. I love my children deeply and I know at one time I loved my husband deeply. How do we get back to that kind of love without being hurt or overtaken by other emotions? Or the day in and day out workings of life?

There has been so much more that has been going on in my life in the last year that I am struggling with so many emotions. How do you reconcile hypocritical behavior and not lose yourself? How do you forgive yourself and the persons that you love, because we are afterall just human. Most of us don't intentionally set out to hurt eachother.

I have truly tried to understand what goes through a man mind when dealing with a relationship. I have tried to be open and honest but when all that fails where does it leave you? I still feel the love, I can't stop loving. Does that make me a fool?

Congratulations to my friend Scott

Scott is listed in my links under Scott but his blog is called Hard to Want. Scott is getting a short story published and I just wanted to show my appreciation of his writing and hard work!

Cheers to you Scott and way to go!!

The weekend, new job and life

So far the new job is going ok. I started last Tuesday and the woman I replaced is off on maternity leave. It is doubtful that she will return to this firm but I am hoping she thinks about part time and helping out around the holidays. I will be running the title company by myself and am my own boss. It sounds lovely but in reality it may be difficult planning vacations and days off with the kids.

The weekend so tons of fun. We went to Cleveland Saturday for the Reds game. There was a group of 15 aging 25 to me. I refuse to admit I was the oldest of the group (oops I just did!) My sister in law and her husband arranged the fun filled weekend and we once again partied like the rock stars we are! It was fun to get away and was lucky my parents split the weekend up with the kids. I have not gone out in Cleveland in ages and was surprised at the night life and bars. I danced my rear off and had a blast at a place called the Blind Pig. One of my favorites local bands from my youth, Reagonamics, was playing 80s music and the whole bar was hopping. Oh I also wore my very hot cowboy hat which was recently purchased in Vegas. I was in Vegas 2 weeks ago and need to blog about that fun time too!

My son had his 5th birthday last Thursday and he officially is a young man. They grow up so quickly I can't believe it. I cried that day. I did not tell anyone I cried but I did, I no longer have a baby. Life is one never ending change and sometimes you just get hit over the head.

Woo Hoo

Lots to write here!! I have a new job, start June 20. It is back to the small law firm for me but it is doing what I know best. I will be a one person title company for them, am replacing a lady who has been there for 7 years and is only leaving to be a stay home mom. I got a really good feeling from all the partners I met plus I gained another increase in salary. I am excited and want to make this position work, not necessarily the dream job, but I think a good direction to go in. Lots of flexibilty so I will be able to take care of the family.

And the search is on

In the two (2) days since I was told my job was eliminated I have sent out 8 resumes and have had 4 call backs. I have set up three (3) interviews for next week and turned down one, the money for that is not what I am looking for.

My current boss provided me with a stellar reference letter and his wife who is an attorney had one of her partners pass my resume to a big corporation. I have actually worked with that corporation, they were a client of a firm I worked for back in the 90s. They recogonize my name and the old firm and the VP wants to interview me! I am very excited about this prospect. I believe once again I am in the right place at the right time.

Thanks for coming back and listening to my saga. I do have some fun stories and family stuff I want to throw out there and will once time allows next week.

smooches peeps!!

This day sucks!

I am just full of good news these days....never anything good to post it seems.

Due to economic reasons corporate has pulled the plug on expansion in our area, hence my job has been eliminated. Yes the job that I have probably waited years to have. My last day is June 2 if I so choose, which I have. I don't like to burn bridges and there is a chance that the market could turn around over the next year or so and they will hire be back. I am at the top of my boss' list and he is pretty torn up about having to lay me off. It seems he jumped the gun hiring me because he did not want to lose me to another company. So I will have a good reference from here and a decent explanation as to my employment time frame.

I really hate to be in this position again and feeling pretty lousy about everything. So it seems that I will be returning to the legal field, sucking things up for the family benefit. I will have to attempt a serious attitude adjustment regarding my feelings on working for attorneys again. (No offense to those blogging/online buddies that are in the legal field)

Maybe I will cash in the 401K and go back to school, become a teacher, stay home with kiddos, do something different!! Money really does make the world go around!

American Idol.....small rant!!

Chris was my fav....cannot believe America chose the others over him. I loved Katherine too, however, her last two weeks have been weak. She seemed too eratic on stage and a little too dippy for my liking. Katherine is a sweet girl but I see her acting and doing broadway type things. She could do very well.

I am ok with Taylor and Elliott but just do not see them as actual idols. There is a market niche for these two, but not in the radio hits capacity such that Kelly Clarkson has had.

Chris had the packaging, the sex appeal and the voice. Such a damn shame the last of the hotties have been voted off!! Oh well Katherine is still a hottie....but you know what I mean!! *wink*

What to post??!!

Good lord it has been almost a month since my last posting. I don't feel like I have much to say. Everything is beginning to seem routine again, very busy too.

Work is going well, a little slower than I would have liked, but it is a good thing to have extra training. It is always hard to be the new person and it seems doublely so when working with mostly women. Women can be very chatty and very catty....something I have never been to good at dealing with. I am more of an upfront, underdog, standup to the big guy, kinda girl. Not too big of issues at the moment and feel like I handled myself very professional and diplomatically on this front last week. So this week is starting off fresh and with a different perspective for me and I think for several co-workers. It is all for the better and I am glad.

I am back to coaching softball this year and have made some changes in my coaching approach this year. It is still fun, exciting and a thrill when a little girl actually gets a concept and shows improvement. Hubby is helping out again and he is doing well with the girls too. Last year he never said too much but this year he is forced to as we are splitting practices into 2 groups. I really do have to figure out how to get pics up so I can show off our pretty pink shirts this year!! LOL

The kids and I are loving American Idol this season!! I am too hot for Chris....um....yeah....enough of that!!

I peek in on blogs on occassion, but may not reply. Like I said earlier, I just don't have much to say which is a rarity. Still gaining perspective and holding back on things a little. In time I think I will come out of the shell again but for the moment I still feel like I am in a whirlwind that is not slowing down.