Its been a very long time since I last wrote anything of significance. Life sure did get crazy when I was last here, writing, blogging. I made so many mistakes in my 40s. I lost myself, I lost time with my family and worst of all I hurt my husband. We have since worked through all of the hurt and anger. We try to be okay on a daily basis but sometimes the tricky past seeps into our memory.
My mother passed early this year and it triggered so many emotions for me. Actually, moving mom to our City so we could care for her prompted a whole host of memories and feelings. I didn't want to acknowledge any feelings over the last year and a half. After mom's service in March, I decided I was not going to hold onto my own hurt, anger and guilt about anything from the past. I had been doing fairly well in dealing with sadness and guilt for a time. However, I have been very angry the last few weeks. It may be my age and being in a different season of life. Or its that I do not want to deal with other people's problems and issues.
I take a lot to heart and am sensitive, I just don't show it. I can be harsh to family and friends. Hard truths are difficult for everyone to swallow at times. I try to be sensitive to others but others are not sensitive to me. I have quite a few friends that are very needy, self centered and don't even realize it! Sure, we all get that way from time to time but you need to be self aware and realize when you are really hurting those around you. I think I will save that thought for another day when I am not reacting in anger.
This writing may be all over the place today because I am feeling the need to get these thoughts out of my head. Writing was therapeutic for me years ago and helped me to get perspective about situations. So maybe this post should have been titled "Anger".
Talking to myself does help, so I am back blogging and talking to the ether or whoever happens by. I may still be angry tomorrow but I will continue to write and find some joy.
