Goodness how time flies by!! I am alive and doing okay. I have been so busy with the kids activities this school year and work that I have barely made time for anything else.
I am so very proud of both children. Daughter is in the Chose to Lead program and has her first after school meeting today. Two fifth graders from each class get chosen and help with all the school functions and fund raisers with the teachers and other staff. She is also in the Student Partners Program which buddies up a fifth grader with a special needs student. Daughter had to fill out an application, have her parents write a recomendation, her teacher write a recomendation and she had to write up a semi-resume as well. I am so glad she was chosen for this. Daughter has also been playing Volleyball and started band playing the alto sax! See so busy my head spins as I type this.
Dear son...he is doing great in kindergarten and is really loving schoool. He has been playing flag football and can't wait to start swimming lessons and baseball camp this winter. He loves being around his sister but is making lots of his own friends. Its amazing to witness the changes in him.
As for me....the kids are keeping me busy so that is enough for the moment. I am still a confused lady but trying to be happier in general and not look at the past if I can help it. I can't change the past only look at today and tomorrow. I am going to try and make some rounds here today...catch up with my internet friends...you are the ones that always seem to give me the brighter lift!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Kindergarten!!
Well my baby's first day of kindergarten was today! It is a dreary rainy day here in Columbus, Ohio. But that did not dampen my son's mood. Mitchell was so excited this morning he did not care that mommy forgot to buy him a boy umbrella so he just used the blue and white polka dotted one!
I can't wait for the end of the day to hear about both J and M's first day back to school. J is a 5th grader this year. It is amazing to me how beautiful she looked this morning. They are growing up so fast but I am so happy that I am making time every day to cherish them in their childhood moments, storing those memories for a far off rainy day of my own.
I can't wait for the end of the day to hear about both J and M's first day back to school. J is a 5th grader this year. It is amazing to me how beautiful she looked this morning. They are growing up so fast but I am so happy that I am making time every day to cherish them in their childhood moments, storing those memories for a far off rainy day of my own.
Monday, August 20, 2007
A game!! Come on....play along!!
Things I have learned from movies... THE GAME PART IS TO PLACE WHICH MOVIE APPLIES BEST TO EACH NUMBER....ready set go!
1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
10. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
11. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.12. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
13. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
14. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off even while scuba diving.
15. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
16. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
17. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
18. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will whine when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
19. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
20. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
21. Word processors never display a cursor on screen, but will always say: "Enter Password Now".
22. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. Tires will squeal on any surface, at any speed.
23. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
24. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
25. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
26. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
Have fun!!
1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
10. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
11. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.12. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
13. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
14. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off even while scuba diving.
15. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
16. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
17. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
18. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will whine when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
19. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
20. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
21. Word processors never display a cursor on screen, but will always say: "Enter Password Now".
22. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. Tires will squeal on any surface, at any speed.
23. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
24. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
25. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
26. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
Have fun!!
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Hello, is anybody out there?!
I am here, I am reading, lurking, relaxing, whatever you would like to call it. I am not commenting too much but know that I am reading many of your blogs.
The summer is dragging by but I am starting to feel a peace with myself as time rolls on. Maybe when things start to slow down a little in the fall I can get back to being my silly self and writing about being a Rock Star, the great things my kids that day or even my jump into an altogether new career.
The past year and half is going to be put into a box in my heart and mind, to be brought out on occassion. Its so cliche to say this, but I am re-discovering myself and what I want in this life. Work harder, be remembered well. There is a time, a place, a reason for everything and everyone you encounter. Take it all in and be happy, suck it up, write about it, live it. As long as at the end of the day you can sleep.
Have a good end of the summer everyone and I hope to be back soon spreading some silliness!
The summer is dragging by but I am starting to feel a peace with myself as time rolls on. Maybe when things start to slow down a little in the fall I can get back to being my silly self and writing about being a Rock Star, the great things my kids that day or even my jump into an altogether new career.
The past year and half is going to be put into a box in my heart and mind, to be brought out on occassion. Its so cliche to say this, but I am re-discovering myself and what I want in this life. Work harder, be remembered well. There is a time, a place, a reason for everything and everyone you encounter. Take it all in and be happy, suck it up, write about it, live it. As long as at the end of the day you can sleep.
Have a good end of the summer everyone and I hope to be back soon spreading some silliness!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Struggling to swim
Amazing insight from an incredible Myspace Blogger.
Go read some of his stuff.....
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=64817099&blogID=291181867&indicate=1
Go read some of his stuff.....
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=64817099&blogID=291181867&indicate=1
Thursday, July 05, 2007
July 4th and Having some fun!
Life does move forward and I have learned twice over how to appreciate the loved ones we have. My family enjoying the boat, wave runners and then the fireworks. It was great to put life away for awhile. I hope everyone had a safe and fun holiday!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Mother Mary
When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom Let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right it front of me
Speaking words of wisdom Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be
And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer
Let it be
For though they may be parted there is
still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be yeah,
there will be an answer Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom Let it be
And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow
Let it be
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
There will be an answer Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
There will be an answer
Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be, let it be
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom Let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right it front of me
Speaking words of wisdom Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be
And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer
Let it be
For though they may be parted there is
still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be yeah,
there will be an answer Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom Let it be
And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow
Let it be
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
There will be an answer Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
There will be an answer
Let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be, let it be
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
I have been tagged!! EIGHT RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME....
1. I hate tomatos, yet I can eat brushetta, a little tomato sauce, pizza etc. Its weird, just plain tomatos taste horrible to me!
2. I am an only child. I have debated throughout my life whether or not its been a good thing. I believe I may have missed out on having a sibling but also believe that being an only child helped shape who I am and the kind of person I became.
3. I have lost 20 lbs. since September 2006 and have managed to maintain my current weight during that time. I want to lose an additional 10 lbs. so I will be at my freshman year of college weight. I am satisfied with where I am but want to feel healthier.
4. I had 5 surgeries on my right leg due to an achillis tendon tear. One of the worst periods of my life. It lead to a lot of introspection and questioning of how we are living our lives.
5. I have been known to read smutty books or stories!! shhhhhh
6. I cry at almost any sad story, commercial, book, etc.
7. I love Christmas and shopping for presents. I wish I had the money to buy everyone I know a present I know they would enjoy!
8. I can still rollar skate!!
I suppose this is the part where I am supposed to tag some people......how about weltek cheesehead, slharris, and kimmah....don't worry kids if it takes forever!!
2. I am an only child. I have debated throughout my life whether or not its been a good thing. I believe I may have missed out on having a sibling but also believe that being an only child helped shape who I am and the kind of person I became.
3. I have lost 20 lbs. since September 2006 and have managed to maintain my current weight during that time. I want to lose an additional 10 lbs. so I will be at my freshman year of college weight. I am satisfied with where I am but want to feel healthier.
4. I had 5 surgeries on my right leg due to an achillis tendon tear. One of the worst periods of my life. It lead to a lot of introspection and questioning of how we are living our lives.
5. I have been known to read smutty books or stories!! shhhhhh
6. I cry at almost any sad story, commercial, book, etc.
7. I love Christmas and shopping for presents. I wish I had the money to buy everyone I know a present I know they would enjoy!
8. I can still rollar skate!!
I suppose this is the part where I am supposed to tag some people......how about weltek cheesehead, slharris, and kimmah....don't worry kids if it takes forever!!
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Arrested!!
Mario needs to slow down, koko has a lead foot, the police love me!! giggles....and on with the story.....
Last Friday morning I was late for work, day dreaming about Tim Horton's and I think sex, and was not paying much attention to my speed. Until I spotted the Columbus Freeway Patrol car, look down at the speedometer and see that I am cruising along at 80 mph! Oh shit was my out loud thought and decided to pull over. The Police did not even have to put on their lights, I just knew I was caught, no way to fight this one.
See Dear Officer Venrick (DOV from here on out) walks up does his little speech about did I know why he pulled me over etc. I told him yes and that I was off in la la land and that my vehicle never feels like I am really going that fast. I figured the truth could not be any worse than a lie I could come up with. DOV smiles and says well its your lucky day then because I am on a training excercise and have 3 recruits with me. ! I am thinking YES.....as the recruit is walking up to the vehicle. So we go through the speech again, I hand the recruit my license, insurance and registration information. They say they will be right back, even though we all know this takes at least 10 minutes.
My 10 minutes pass on by and DOV comes back to my vehicle and says "I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS!" I am a little bit surprised which turns to shock when his next statement is "THERE IS A WARRANT OUT FOR YOUR ARREST!" I literally did the Home Alone face and was stuttering wha wha what?! DOV then states "oh there is more....your license is expired!" Now I am thinking "oh my god" and ask DOV "am I going to be arrested?" At this point I am thinking wait wait, I told DOV that I did have 2 tickets in the fall in Pike County but I paid those promptly back in November. DOV was actually being very kind, I mean come on....middle aged mom in a SUV with juice bags, stuffed animals and toy cars all over the place, not too mention how cute I looked that day, how could DOV resist!! Anyway, DOV states that they are going to check and make sure that the warrant is still valid and that more than likely no arrest will be made.
At this point I am in panic mode. I call my office and speak to the young attorney, Brian, to let him know the situation. He makes a call to a buddy that takes care of traffic court violations and says he can meet me at the courthouse if needed. After I speak with Brian I call my husband who proceeds to ask me what I am wearing, I tell him and hubby replies "you are gonna look good as a jail bird with all those ladies up in the courthouse!" So that really gets me giggling. I was going to have one of two emotions. Either cry and panic or laugh at myself and the situation. I chose laughter!
P.S. More to come.....you know my stories can never end with one telling!
Last Friday morning I was late for work, day dreaming about Tim Horton's and I think sex, and was not paying much attention to my speed. Until I spotted the Columbus Freeway Patrol car, look down at the speedometer and see that I am cruising along at 80 mph! Oh shit was my out loud thought and decided to pull over. The Police did not even have to put on their lights, I just knew I was caught, no way to fight this one.
See Dear Officer Venrick (DOV from here on out) walks up does his little speech about did I know why he pulled me over etc. I told him yes and that I was off in la la land and that my vehicle never feels like I am really going that fast. I figured the truth could not be any worse than a lie I could come up with. DOV smiles and says well its your lucky day then because I am on a training excercise and have 3 recruits with me. ! I am thinking YES.....as the recruit is walking up to the vehicle. So we go through the speech again, I hand the recruit my license, insurance and registration information. They say they will be right back, even though we all know this takes at least 10 minutes.
My 10 minutes pass on by and DOV comes back to my vehicle and says "I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS!" I am a little bit surprised which turns to shock when his next statement is "THERE IS A WARRANT OUT FOR YOUR ARREST!" I literally did the Home Alone face and was stuttering wha wha what?! DOV then states "oh there is more....your license is expired!" Now I am thinking "oh my god" and ask DOV "am I going to be arrested?" At this point I am thinking wait wait, I told DOV that I did have 2 tickets in the fall in Pike County but I paid those promptly back in November. DOV was actually being very kind, I mean come on....middle aged mom in a SUV with juice bags, stuffed animals and toy cars all over the place, not too mention how cute I looked that day, how could DOV resist!! Anyway, DOV states that they are going to check and make sure that the warrant is still valid and that more than likely no arrest will be made.
At this point I am in panic mode. I call my office and speak to the young attorney, Brian, to let him know the situation. He makes a call to a buddy that takes care of traffic court violations and says he can meet me at the courthouse if needed. After I speak with Brian I call my husband who proceeds to ask me what I am wearing, I tell him and hubby replies "you are gonna look good as a jail bird with all those ladies up in the courthouse!" So that really gets me giggling. I was going to have one of two emotions. Either cry and panic or laugh at myself and the situation. I chose laughter!
P.S. More to come.....you know my stories can never end with one telling!
Sunday, April 15, 2007
My 40th Birthday!
Last month on March 24 I started a new decade of my life. I really had a great time and my husband went all out to make sure my little party was a surprise. I have many pictures from that night and am trying to decide which ones to post. LOL.....it was truly a great time and the most fun I have had in quite some time. I am sharing another pic of the kids and I. The helped plan the party and had such a great time helping with that.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
A taste of Spring!
Finally had a bit of nicer weather yesterday with the temps hitting 50 degrees and the sun peeking out us now and again. The weather in Ohio is such a pleasure, going from 70 on Tuesday to freezing rain and snow on Thursday. I was NOT dreaming of a white Easter thank you!
So our taste of spring yesterday was enjoyable not only because of the little warmth we received but because it is the start of our son's baseball career! Yesterday was Mitchell's first T-Ball practice and he was soooooo excited! His excitment and smiles were infectious and I could not help but have fun with him. His team is the Yankees (my dad's favorite) and they received their hats and shirts. Here is a pic for your viewing pleasure! (scary I am, now that I can get pics to upload LOL)!!
Hope everyone is having a great week!
Friday, March 30, 2007
Another picture!!
Uh oh....she is getting good at the pictures!! LOL this is my Uncle Joe, the kids and I at Endless Caverns located outside of New Market, VA.
Monday, February 26, 2007
I am so cliche...in more ways than one!!
I will only discuss two ways in which I was cliche today!! I have been utterly and completely depressed and a bit angry. My son was sick today and I was listening to my "sad songs" while I went to pick up his prescription. I had a feeling of total helplessness and decided to drive around some more while listening to my line up of "getting out the good cry" music.
At some point I thought about stopping for a shot of tequila and a beer. Then it occurred to me it would not do me much good to get drunk at 5:00 p.m. on a Monday. I replaced getting drunk with the euphoria of.....thats right....buying new shoes!! I bought 3 new pairs for myself and 1 pair for my daughter! I also purchased a new purse and I tell you what....I got back in the car and put in my Jet CD and listened to "Cold Hard Bitch"! Once I got home I was ready to face everyone in this household to only discover......
MY BARE MINERALS MAKEUP had arrived!! After many years of hearing about these products at OT I was sucked in on some infomerical. My daughter and I put in the helpful handy dandy DVD and followed all the steps. I am highly impressed with this product and can't wait to use it again in the morning!!
Some days I am glad to be a woman and a bit cliche!!
At some point I thought about stopping for a shot of tequila and a beer. Then it occurred to me it would not do me much good to get drunk at 5:00 p.m. on a Monday. I replaced getting drunk with the euphoria of.....thats right....buying new shoes!! I bought 3 new pairs for myself and 1 pair for my daughter! I also purchased a new purse and I tell you what....I got back in the car and put in my Jet CD and listened to "Cold Hard Bitch"! Once I got home I was ready to face everyone in this household to only discover......
MY BARE MINERALS MAKEUP had arrived!! After many years of hearing about these products at OT I was sucked in on some infomerical. My daughter and I put in the helpful handy dandy DVD and followed all the steps. I am highly impressed with this product and can't wait to use it again in the morning!!
Some days I am glad to be a woman and a bit cliche!!
Friday, February 23, 2007
A new blog look!!
I finally switched over to the "new blogger" through gmail. Not really sure how much has changed, does not seem like much. I like what I changed things to but I am not the greatest at adding touches. I did add a picture I like and will attempt again to get a picture of myself up here. Drives me nuts that I can't figure out these simple things. LOL
New look, maybe a new outlook and trying this blog thing more regular again. Hope this post finds everyone well.
New look, maybe a new outlook and trying this blog thing more regular again. Hope this post finds everyone well.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Life...and progress
At this point in time I am still at home with my husband. He has taken a strong interest in attempting to save and work on the marriage. He has gone so far as to sign up for a marriage counseling class online. Hubby has forwarded each workshop/email to me. There are some very interesting and valid points that have been made in reading those emails and I can see us in quite of few of those situations.
But it is back to the question of how am I handling it all. I am day by day. There are days that I think what we have in life is worth it and I should make the necessary attempts. The following is a quote from one of these "seminars"...
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous
experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You
can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it
day in and day out. That's why we have the
expression "the labor of love." Because it takes
time, effort, and energy. And most importantly,
it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to
make your marriage work.
Hubby is trying, making a real effort and here I sit feeling sort of angry and resentful. I think I need some counseling to help me get a better grip on what I am feeling. But do I owe it to him, the children and the sake of the marriage to stop feeling mad, depressed and hopeless? I need to step out of my little box and look at myself and realize my life is not so bad. Where do I want to be in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years.
It is good to know that I am not the only person out there that feels these emotions. I truly appreciate the comments and advice. It helps more than any of you know!
But it is back to the question of how am I handling it all. I am day by day. There are days that I think what we have in life is worth it and I should make the necessary attempts. The following is a quote from one of these "seminars"...
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous
experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You
can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it
day in and day out. That's why we have the
expression "the labor of love." Because it takes
time, effort, and energy. And most importantly,
it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to
make your marriage work.
Hubby is trying, making a real effort and here I sit feeling sort of angry and resentful. I think I need some counseling to help me get a better grip on what I am feeling. But do I owe it to him, the children and the sake of the marriage to stop feeling mad, depressed and hopeless? I need to step out of my little box and look at myself and realize my life is not so bad. Where do I want to be in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years.
It is good to know that I am not the only person out there that feels these emotions. I truly appreciate the comments and advice. It helps more than any of you know!
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Happy New Year!!
Happy New Year to all my friends that check in on me from time to time.
I have been busy with this new job now since I have been here. I am back to that daily stressful grind and it leaves a horrible distaste in my mouth. I think its a new year with some new starts but I have the same old issues plaguing me. The career has not been that easy to change, at all. I came back to what I know best but not sure I care enough about any longer to be the best. I have become lazy and complacent and I really detest that. So I will be striving to just suck it up and be the best at what I do and hope that someone notices and it pays off somewhere, someplace, somehow.
My marriage has been in limbo now for over a year. I had tried and tried and when I was ready to throw in the towel, he started making these amazing gestures. Gestures that were never made in the past 16 years. Attempts to keep me and be sincere about it now that he realizes he is on the verge of losing me. I am in the toughest spot I have ever been in. I am not sure if I have it in me to give in and stay or move on and start anew. Everyone I have talked to says that if he is willing to try and the changes he is making are sticking for more than a week then I should give the marriage a chance.
I also have come to realize that there is this possibility of there being more than one person out there for each of us. I have attempted to not have outside influences affect my judgment in my marriage. But sometimes it is so hard to not look at that greener grass. Wonder what could be, how would things be different with another person.
I can honestly say that the best thing in my life right now is my children. I am putting them first for the most part and trying not to be selfish this year of my midlife worries. I love my children and want them to be happy, so staying and trying in the marriage is what I have been doing the last month. But my heart has not truly been in it.
So this blog has come full circle. I believe I named this blog talking to myself partly because that is how my husband used to make me feel. I needed an outlet, a place to vent. Blogging helped me for awhile and I found a wonderful outlet. But here I am back to the same point and beyond when I first started here. I have some decisions to make and hope that I make the correct ones.
Boy when I post an update, do I post an update!
I have been busy with this new job now since I have been here. I am back to that daily stressful grind and it leaves a horrible distaste in my mouth. I think its a new year with some new starts but I have the same old issues plaguing me. The career has not been that easy to change, at all. I came back to what I know best but not sure I care enough about any longer to be the best. I have become lazy and complacent and I really detest that. So I will be striving to just suck it up and be the best at what I do and hope that someone notices and it pays off somewhere, someplace, somehow.
My marriage has been in limbo now for over a year. I had tried and tried and when I was ready to throw in the towel, he started making these amazing gestures. Gestures that were never made in the past 16 years. Attempts to keep me and be sincere about it now that he realizes he is on the verge of losing me. I am in the toughest spot I have ever been in. I am not sure if I have it in me to give in and stay or move on and start anew. Everyone I have talked to says that if he is willing to try and the changes he is making are sticking for more than a week then I should give the marriage a chance.
I also have come to realize that there is this possibility of there being more than one person out there for each of us. I have attempted to not have outside influences affect my judgment in my marriage. But sometimes it is so hard to not look at that greener grass. Wonder what could be, how would things be different with another person.
I can honestly say that the best thing in my life right now is my children. I am putting them first for the most part and trying not to be selfish this year of my midlife worries. I love my children and want them to be happy, so staying and trying in the marriage is what I have been doing the last month. But my heart has not truly been in it.
So this blog has come full circle. I believe I named this blog talking to myself partly because that is how my husband used to make me feel. I needed an outlet, a place to vent. Blogging helped me for awhile and I found a wonderful outlet. But here I am back to the same point and beyond when I first started here. I have some decisions to make and hope that I make the correct ones.
Boy when I post an update, do I post an update!
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